the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
