I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
