I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
