just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
