you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
