I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
