I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
