I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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