if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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