I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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