Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
