Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Someone shattered a urinal.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
