billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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