How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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