Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
