i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
