Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
