he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
