apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
