Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
