The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
