is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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