Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
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I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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