the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
