i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
