I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
