She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
