update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
