At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
