im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
