only you would photoshop your dick
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
