you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
