I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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