If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
