Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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