She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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