Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
