What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
