yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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