i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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