I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
