3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
