who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
