im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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