This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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