Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
