Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
that may or may not have been my penis.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
