So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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