guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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