i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
