mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
