I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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