It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
