So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
A+ Viking dick
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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