You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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