woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
