that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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