Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
