Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
