My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize