I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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