i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
