This is not my ceiling
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
