i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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