I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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