Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
