everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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