My room smells like vodka and shame
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
