i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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